The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® Assessment (MBTI®) can significantly influence personal relationships, from where friends or partners might meet and who they connect with emotionally, to how they maintain their relationships and even how they mitigate potential conflicts. In fact, The MBTI® has been used for the better part of half a century to help people form deeper, more meaningful friendships and romantic relationships. Applying key insights from how different Myers-Briggs personality types function in their personal relationships can help you deepen your connection with friends, family, and partners.
As an example, let’s take a closer look at one Myers-Briggs Personality Type: ISTP.
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What Are the Key Characteristics of the Myers-Briggs Istp Personality Type?
Myers-Briggs ISTP personality types are typically intelligent, observant, and detail-oriented people, who value their own and others’ independence. ISTPs’ friends, family, and significant others often note their need for flexibility, which can manifest in their natural dispreference for ongoing relationship formalities or recurring obligations. For example, an ISTP may forget niceties such as writing “Thank You” notes after a major event while their Thinking tendencies help them stay grounded and focused on what is important to them in relationships—principles of character, loyalty, and integrity.
In both their professional and personal lives, ISTPs tend to have specific interests and take the time to develop expertise in those areas. If an ISTP is interested in photography, for instance, they may take classes, invest in a quality camera and editing software, or take other steps to be the best photographer they can be. In the same way, it takes time for ISTPs to develop deep, meaningful social relationships. They are often quiet and reserved when they first meet new people, a tendency that may make them come across as stoic or even detached. During this time, ISTPs are living up to their reputation as “practical analyzers” (Dunning, 2003), and are deciding whether the relationship is worth investing in. If they are interested and satisfied in a relationship, ISTPs will put in the work to cultivate it on an ongoing basis. On the other hand, they do not hesitate to prune relationships they feel are unfulfilling or even toxic.
Unlike more extroverted personality types, ISTPs rarely have an extensive network of acquaintances and social contacts, and they generally avoid large, social functions such as networking events or “mixers,” which require small talk and superficial connections with many people. Instead, they prefer to have a small, closely-knit circle of friends with whom they maintain relationships over a long period of time. Because of their reserved, quiet personalities, ISTPs would rather meet friends and partners in a more natural way, such as through shared activities, interests, or existing social connections.
How Do Istps Cultivate Relationships?
ISTPs generally cultivate relationships through activities and shared interests rather than through in-depth emotional conversations or life updates. For example, an ISTP planning date may prefer to go bowling or dancing rather than to a romantic dinner. As a result, their friends and significant others often share their hobbies. They might have a group of friends with whom they play board games and another group with which they rock climb, for instance. However, ISTPs may have difficulty bonding with people who prefer intimate conversation to activity.
Similarly, ISTPs tend to be action-oriented when they express love or appreciation. An ISTP typically will not write love letters or make grand speeches to their loved ones. Instead, they are more likely to give a gift, prepare a special meal, or even take the responsibility off the plate of someone they care about.
ISTPs in Platonic Relationships
ISTPs are natural leaders within their friend groups. Others are drawn to their creativity and confidence. They tend to be well-versed in a variety of topics and areas of interest, and they voice their opinions and preferences with conviction. For example, an ISTP with a passion for cooking may enjoy discussing the benefits of drawbacks of various techniques or appliances with friends who share this interest.
ISTPs also relish experimenting with new possibilities and experiences. Rather than settling for a typical routine, such as dinner or Friday night drinks at their neighborhood bar, ISTPs might encourage friends to try a new restaurant in an obscure part of town or arrange a “home mixologist” party where friends try to recreate cocktails they typically order. ISTP relationships tend to interest those who are energized by creativity, rather than those who may be attracted to the prospect of additional perceived commitments.
However, ISTPs are also respectful of others’ independence and privacy, as well as open to others’ alternatives. If a friend expresses disinterest in an event without disclosing a reason, an ISTP will typically accept the decision without further inquisition. In the same way, they are generally receptive to alternative proposals that appeal to everyone involved.
ISTPs in Romantic Relationships
ISTPs are intense, energetic partners. Their Thinking preference dominates their personality and may make them seem aloof, mysterious, or “hard to get,” which many people find attractive. They are protective of their freedom and independence and tend to hold most of society at arm’s length while making those who they invite into their inner circle feel special and appreciated.
At the same time, ISTPs may frustrate partners who value schedules, as well as those who prefer long-term obligations. For example, ISTPs may change their minds or entertain alternative options, even immediately after deciding or agreeing to a course of action, and they may feel stifled if this need for flexibility is not respected. Because of their Sensing and Perceiving proclivities, ISTPs are free spirits who dislike feeling controlled by others. If they feel that their relationship is becoming overly overbearing, they may simply move on without investing additional time and effort into reconciliation.
ISTPs take long-term commitments seriously. They see love not only as a feeling but as a way of treating someone habitually over time. To an ISTP, marriage vows are not “one and done”, but rather that they are renewed every day and in every action. Their enthusiasm and passion permeate every aspect of their relationships, and their spontaneity and imagination can bring new life and interest to mundane routines. For example, ISTPs appreciate creative touches, like splurging on a set of satin sheets for a special adults-only staycation or wearing a giant chef’s hat for a make-your-own pizza family night. ISTPs’ partners love how they manage to create new, exciting experiences out of normal, daily life.
Platonic and Romantic Relationships with ISTPs
ISTPs’ friends and significant others may think ISTPs are enigmas. The mysterious, aloof personality that they initially found intriguing can quickly become frustrating. Fortunately, developing an understanding and awareness of ISTPs’ personalities can help build trust, mitigate miscommunications, and ultimately strengthen relationships.
It may help to stay aware that ISTPs may not always pick up on subtle social cues that indicate others’ emotional states, feelings, or opinions. Try not to interpret their obliviousness as insensitivity. Instead, try making your preferences explicit. For example, if a Myers-Briggs ISTP wants to see a movie you are not interested in, suggest an alternative rather than agreeing and stifling your dissatisfaction. Similarly, if they seem distant or disengaged, consider bringing your interpretation of their behavior to their attention in a kind way, such as saying, “You seem a little distant. Should we continue this conversation later?”
In addition, remember that ISTP emotions can be strong, though they may not always be expressed explicitly or felt for long periods of time. An ISTP may feel an overwhelming infatuation with their partner for a few hours or days, quickly followed by a period of apathy or neutrality. Those in ISTP personality relationships, whether platonic or romantic, should be conscious of these swings.
How can ISTPs make their relationships stronger?
ISTPs can strengthen their relationships by paying more acute attention to others’ emotions as well as express their own more explicitly. Furthermore, they may need to become less protective of their privacy and personal space and instead understand that others’ inquiries might be meant to develop deeper relationships and trust rather than to encroach on their rights or independence. Finally, Myers-Briggs ISTPs should bear in mind that their vacillation can create unpredictability and stress for others.
Compatibility
In relationships, ISTPs are most compatible with ESTJ or ENTJ personality types, since these types share ISTPs’ Thinking tendency while also complementing their Introversion with Extraversion. These personality types also tend to see the world in similar ways and share key priorities and values, all of which help them develop a strong relationship with ISTP personality types.
On the other hand, ISTP personality relationships are least successful with those who have the Intuitive-Feeling function, such as INFP, ENFP, INFJ, and ENFJ Myers-Briggs personality types. These personality types are often in tune emotionally and may make decisions and perceive the world based on intuitions (instinct and gut feelings) and feelings (how their decisions affect others) rather than facts and data, which may create tension with empirically oriented ISTPs.
References
- https://www.mbtionline.com/en-US/MBTI-Types/ISTP/Relationships
- https://personalitygrowth.com/istp-feelings-emotions-how-the-istp-handles-inner-feelings/
- https://www.onlinepersonalitytests.org/istp-compatibility/